Work hard.

Do good work.

Keep your head down.

Success will follow.

For many people, that advice feels fair.

It feels merit-based.

It feels like the way the world should work.

But as I listened to my conversation with Vas Ramakrishnan, I found myself reflecting on how incomplete that formula can be.

Because capability matters.

Hard work matters.

Excellence matters.

But sometimes they are not enough on their own.

The Myth of “Just Work Hard”

Many immigrants arrive with impressive credentials, strong work ethic, and a deep belief that results will speak for themselves.

I know this story because I’ve lived parts of it myself.

We assume that if we perform well enough, opportunities will naturally follow.

That recognition will come.

That doors will open.

Sometimes they do.

But often there is another layer.

Visibility.

Understanding how systems work.

Knowing how to tell your story.

Building relationships.

Learning the unwritten rules.

None of these diminishes the value of hard work.

But they do acknowledge reality.

Because systems are built by people.

And people don’t always see everything automatically.

Capability Without Visibility

One of the themes that surfaced throughout my conversation with Vas was the difference between being capable and being recognized as capable.

Those are not always the same thing.

Organizations often say they want the best talent.

Yet talented people are overlooked every day.

Not because they lack ability.

Because their contributions are not visible.

Because they don’t know how to position themselves.

Because they are navigating unfamiliar systems.

Because nobody taught them how recognition actually works.

This is especially true for immigrants and global professionals.

Many arrive with expertise but must learn an entirely new set of expectations around communication, networking, leadership presence, and self-advocacy.

The work may be excellent.

But excellence alone does not guarantee visibility.

Systems Matter

One reason I appreciate conversations like this is that they help us move beyond individual blame.

Too often, when people struggle, we assume they simply need to work harder.

• But systems matter.

• Processes matter.

• Access matters.

• Information matters.

• The ability to navigate complex environments matters.

Whether we are talking about immigration, education, workplaces, or leadership pipelines, success is rarely determined by effort alone.

Understanding the system becomes part of the work.

That doesn’t make the system right.

But it does make it real.

The Intersections We Carry

One of the reasons this conversation felt so aligned with the mission of Thriving in Intersectionality is that Vas’s story highlights how many layers influence opportunity.

• Immigrant.

• Entrepreneur.

• Technologist.

• Advocate.

• Neurodivergent professional.

Each of those experiences shapes how someone moves through the world.

They emerge from the interaction of many different experiences.

And often those intersections determine what doors open, which ones stay closed, and what strategies we need to navigate both.

Belonging Is More Than Access

As I reflected on this conversation, I kept returning to a distinction that feels important.

Access and belonging are not the same thing.

You can gain entry into a room and still not feel seen.

You can have credentials and still struggle to be recognized.

You can have expertise and still feel invisible.

Belonging happens when people are able to contribute fully, be valued for their strengths, and feel that they matter within a system.

That requires more than access.

It requires visibility.

It requires understanding.

It requires human connection.

The Reflection I’m Sitting With

One of the lessons I continue to learn throughout my career is that excellence matters.

But excellence alone is rarely the entire strategy.

At some point, we must also learn how to communicate our values.

How to build relationships.

How to navigate systems.

How to advocate for ourselves and others.

Not because hard work doesn’t matter.

But because capability deserves the opportunity to be seen.

And when talented people remain invisible, everyone loses.

🎧 Listen to the full conversation with Vas Ramakrishnan below.

Reflection Question

Where in your life or career have you assumed that hard work alone would be enough—and what additional skills, relationships, or visibility ultimately helped create new opportunities?

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Some of the experiences that shape us most deeply are the ones other people never see.

A learning difference.

A disability.

A family circumstance.

A challenge we quietly navigate while trying to keep up with expectations that were never designed with us in mind.

That was one of the themes that stayed with me after my conversation with Russell Van Brocklen.

On the surface, we talked about dyslexia.

But underneath that conversation was something much bigger.

The relationship between difference and potential.

And what happens when systems confuse one for the other.

The Power of a Label

Labels can be useful.

They can help people access support, accommodations, resources, and community.

But labels can also become limitations.

Especially when they are attached to assumptions.

• Not capable.

• Not academic.

• Not leadership material.

• Not smart enough.

• Not ready.

• Not likely to succeed.

Intelligence Is Bigger Than Performance

One thing that stood out to me in Russell’s story was the distinction between intelligence and performance.

We often treat them as if they are the same thing.

They are not.

Performance measures how well someone navigates a particular system.

Intelligence is far broader.

Yet schools, workplaces, and institutions often reward one specific way of learning, communicating, processing information, or demonstrating competence.

And when someone learns differently, the system often assumes the problem lies with the person.

Instead of asking whether the system itself might be too narrow.

How Many People Are Being Misjudged?

As I listened to Russell share his experiences, I found myself thinking beyond dyslexia.

How many people are currently being underestimated because their strengths don’t fit traditional expectations?

The employee whose accent is mistaken for a lack of expertise.

The immigrant professional whose international experience is overlooked.

The student who struggles with reading but excels in creativity and problem-solving.

The leader who thinks differently from everyone else in the room.

The person who communicates differently.

The person who learns differently.

The person whose potential is still hidden beneath someone else’s assumptions.

Intersectionality teaches us that identity is layered.

So are people’s strengths.

Belonging Begins With Being Seen

One reason this conversation resonated with me is that belonging is ultimately about recognition.

Not agreement.

Recognition.

Being seen for who you are rather than who others assume you are.

Being evaluated based on your capabilities rather than your stereotypes.

Being given opportunities to demonstrate strengths rather than being defined by limitations.

For many people, the difference between thriving and struggling is not talent.

It is whether someone was willing to see beyond the label.

The Responsibility of Leaders, Educators, and Parents

The conversation also made me reflect on how much influence leaders, educators, and parents have.

We may not realize it in the moment.

But the language we use shapes possibility.

The expectations we communicate shape confidence.

The assumptions we make shape opportunities.

Every day, we have the opportunity to reinforce a limitation or reveal a strength.

And often, people remember those moments for years.

The Reflection I’m Sitting With

One of the most powerful questions I left this conversation asking myself is:

Because sometimes the thing we see as a weakness is simply a different way of learning.

A different way of communicating.

A different way of solving problems.

A different way of experiencing the world.

And when we create environments that make room for those differences, something remarkable happens.

People stop spending their energy proving they belong.

And start using their energy to contribute.

🎧 Listen to the full conversation with Russell Van Brocklen below.

Reflection Question

Choose the right major.

Get the right job.

Work hard.

Move up.

Stay the course.

For many of us, that script is introduced early and reinforced often.

Yet when I listen to the stories of the guests on Thriving in Intersectionality, a different pattern emerges.

The most fulfilled people rarely follow a straight line.

They evolve.

And their careers evolve with them.

That was one of the biggest takeaways from my conversation with Shannon Russell.

When a New Identity Changes Everything

Shannon began her career in television production.

It was a dream she had pursued since childhood.

She went to school for it.

Built a successful career around it.

Spent years working in an industry she genuinely loved.

And as many of us discover throughout our lives, new identities often force us to re-evaluate old assumptions.

Not because we’ve failed.

Not because we’ve changed our minds.

Because we’ve changed.

The Hidden Pressure of Staying the Same

I think many professionals feel this tension.

Especially high achievers.

Especially immigrants.

Especially first-generation professionals.

Especially women.

We spend years working toward something.

Then one day we realize we want something different.

We applaud people for staying the course.

We don’t always applaud them for changing direction.

Yet growth often requires exactly that.

A willingness to ask:

What if success looks different now?

Your Previous Chapter Wasn’t a Waste

One thing I loved about Shannon’s story is that she never framed her television career as a mistake.

It wasn’t.

It prepared her for everything that came afterward.

The leadership skills.

The project management.

The storytelling.

The communication.

The ability to bring people together around a vision.

Those experiences showed up later when she became an entrepreneur, built and sold a successful business, coached women through career transitions, and facilitated leadership teams.

The chapter ended.

The lessons didn’t.

And I think that’s an important distinction.

Sometimes we treat career pivots as if we’re starting over.

Most of the time, we’re actually building on top of what already exists.

The Parts of Ourselves We Bring Forward

One of the reasons I love using the lens of intersectionality is that it helps us see how many identities shape our decisions.

Not just race.

Not just gender.

Not just culture.

Parenthood.

Career stage.

Geography.

Socioeconomic background.

Education.

Leadership experiences.

Life transitions.

All of these layers influence how we move through the world.

For Shannon, motherhood became one of those defining intersections.

It changed how she viewed success.

It changed how she evaluated opportunities.

It changed the type of life she wanted to create.

And ultimately, it changed her career.

Not by erasing her past.

By helping her build on it.

Human Connection Still Matters

Another theme that surfaced repeatedly during our conversation was human connection.

In a workplace increasingly shaped by technology, automation, and AI, Shannon’s work centers on helping teams communicate, collaborate, and connect more meaningfully.

We often talk about innovation as a technology challenge when it may actually be a human challenge.

People still want to feel heard.

People still want to contribute.

People still want to belong.

No technology has replaced that.

And perhaps that’s why the work of building relationships, trust, and connection remains so important.

The Reflection I’m Sitting With

As I reflected on this conversation afterward, I found myself thinking about how often we define ourselves by a single chapter.

The job title.

The degree.

The company.

The business.

The role.

But life has a way of introducing new identities and new opportunities.

Sometimes unexpectedly.

Sometimes gradually.

The question isn’t whether your path will change.

The question is whether you’ll allow yourself to grow when it does.

Because there doesn’t have to be only one path.

And the next chapter doesn’t erase the previous one.

It builds upon it.

🎧 Listen to the full conversation with Shannon Russell below.

Reflection Question

What experience, skill, or chapter from your past might be preparing you for an opportunity you haven’t considered yet?

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We are daughters and sons.

Parents and partners.

Professionals and dreamers.

Leaders and learners.

Immigrants. Caregivers. Entrepreneurs. Employees.

And often, we spend years trying to understand how all of those parts fit together.

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That is what stood out to me in my conversation with Amy Lenius.

On the surface, we talked about success, personal development, habits, and growth.

But underneath those topics was a deeper question:

Who taught us what success was supposed to look like in the first place?

Because many of us are pursuing goals we never intentionally chose.

The Identities We Inherit

From family.

From culture.

From community.

From school.

From workplaces.

Some of those messages serve us.

Others quietly shape our lives without us ever examining them.

Work hard.

Don’t complain.

Stay grateful.

Be practical.

Choose security.

Don’t disappoint people.

Make everyone proud.

Many of us spend years living according to those scripts.

Sometimes decades.

And often, those scripts help us achieve things.

The challenge is that achievement and alignment are not always the same thing.

Success Can Become Someone Else’s Dream

One of the things I appreciated about Amy’s story was her willingness to talk about how success evolves.

Not because she lacked ambition.

But because she gained awareness.

As our identities evolve, our priorities evolve too.

The version of success that made sense at 25 may not fit at 35.

The version that worked before children may not work afterward.

The version that looked impressive from the outside may feel empty on the inside.

Yet many of us continue chasing goals that belong to an older version of ourselves.

Or worse, goals that belonged to someone else entirely.

Growth Requires Letting Go

We often talk about growth as adding something.

A new skill.

A new certification.

A promotion.

A business.

A title.

But growth is just as often about subtraction.

Letting go of expectations.

Letting go of outdated identities.

Letting go of definitions that no longer fit.

The Through-Line Matters

One of my favorite parts of interviewing people is seeing how seemingly unrelated experiences connect.

A childhood experience.

A health challenge.

A career pivot.

A difficult season.

A leadership opportunity.

Over time, those moments create a through-line.

Amy’s journey through health challenges, coaching, speaking, and leadership isn’t random.

It’s connected.

And I believe the same is true for all of us.

The question is whether we take enough time to notice the pattern.

Self-Worth Changes Everything

Another theme that surfaced repeatedly in this chat was self-worth.

Not confidence.

Not achievement.

Self-worth.

Because confidence often comes after success.

Self-worth exists before it.

When self-worth is fragile, we seek external validation.

When self-worth is strong, we make decisions differently.

We say no more easily.

We recover from setbacks more quickly.

We stop measuring ourselves solely through outcomes.

And perhaps most importantly, we begin defining success for ourselves.

The Reflection I’m Sitting With

As I reflected on this conversation afterward, I found myself thinking about the many roles we carry.

• How often we introduce ourselves through what we do.

• How quickly we attach our worth to our output.

• How easily we forget that identity is allowed to evolve.

Maybe growth isn’t about becoming someone completely different.

Maybe growth is about peeling away what was never truly ours to begin with.

And maybe letting go of good for great starts with asking a simple question:

🎧 Listen to the full conversation with Dr. Lola & Amy Lenius below.

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Reflection Question

What identity, expectation, or definition of success might you need to release to create space for something more aligned?

At home.
In relationships.
In caregiving.
In emotional labor.
In planning, anticipating, organizing, remembering, and managing.

The kind of work that often keeps life functioning smoothly—but rarely gets acknowledged as work at all.

Nicole described it as the mental load.

And the more we unpack it, the more I am reminded how deeply embedded it is in workplace culture itself.

Invisible Work Is Still Work

Women often shoulder hundreds of additional hours of invisible labor each year. Not necessarily because they intentionally choose to.

But because systems quietly expect it from them.

At work, it looks like:

• organizing events

• ordering lunch

• taking notes

• fixing presentations

• handling emotional dynamics on teams

• smoothing tension

• remembering birthdays

• “helping out”

Necessary work.

But often non-promotable work.

And over time, it creates something many high-performing women know intimately:

Exhaustion that doesn’t always look visible from the outside.

The Problem With “Helpful”

Nicole made a great point: promotions are rarely tied solely to task completion, and I agree!

Leadership visibility often comes from:

• strategic thinking

• influence

• sponsorship

• perception of leadership potential

And yet, many women expend enormous energy proving their reliability through invisible operational work.

The irony is painful.

Not because you are incapable of leadership.

But because people start associating you with support rather than strategy.

The Mental Load Doesn’t End at Work

What also made this conversation powerful was how honestly Nicole connected workplace labor with personal life.

The invisible work doesn’t stop when the workday ends.

It continues:

• remembering appointments

• coordinating schedules

• anticipating needs

• carrying emotional responsibility for households and families

And for many women, it becomes so normalized that they stop recognizing it entirely.

That part stayed with me.

Because I think many people—especially women navigating leadership, caregiving, entrepreneurship, partnership, parenting, or immigrant family dynamics—become highly skilled at carrying without realizing how heavy everything has become.

Awareness Changes Everything

Nicole shared a simple exercise that honestly felt profound in its simplicity:

For one week, write down every single thing you do for someone else.

Not just major tasks.

Everything.

And what becomes clear very quickly is how much invisible labor quietly fills our days.

Not because we are weak.

Not because we are incapable of boundaries.

But because many systems reward women for being endlessly available, adaptable, and helpful.

Sponsorship vs Mentorship

Another part of the conversation I loved was Nicole’s distinction between:

• coaches

• mentors

• sponsors

Her explanation was simple but powerful:

A coach talks with you.
A mentor talks to you.
A sponsor talks for you when you are not in the room.

That distinction matters.

Because many women are heavily mentored—but under-sponsored.

And sponsorship often becomes one of the missing bridges between being highly capable and being visibly positioned for leadership.

What Organizations Need to Confront

Toward the end of the conversation, Nicole challenged organizations to become more aware of their biases—not just the obvious ones, but the operational ones.

Who gets asked to organize?
Who carries emotional labor?
Who is expected to “help”?
Who gets perceived as strategic?
Who gets protected from invisible labor?

Because workplace equity is not just about representation.

It’s also about distribution:

• of visibility

• of opportunity

• of leadership access

• and of invisible work itself

The Reflection I’m Sitting With

As I reflected on this conversation afterward, I kept thinking about how many professionals are functioning at full capacity while carrying responsibilities nobody sees.

And how often we normalize exhaustion as competence.

Especially women.

Especially caregivers.

Especially high achievers.

Especially those navigating multiple visible and invisible identities simultaneously.

But sustainable leadership cannot be built on invisible depletion.

At some point, awareness becomes necessary.

Not just individually.

Systemically.

🎧 Listen to the full episode with Nicole Johnston right here:

Closing Reflection

Going into my conversation with Hanna Curman, I expected we would talk about leadership, burnout, nervous system regulation, and workplace culture.

And YES, we did.

But underneath it all was a quieter conversation about what happens when people spend too much of their lives functioning in survival mode without realizing it.

Not just at work. In life.

In leadership.
In parenting.
In relationships.
In the constant pressure to keep carrying, producing, proving, and performing.

One line Hanna shared stayed with me - because I can relate:

“Most people are fighting for survival beneath the surface.”

And honestly, that explains so much about today’s workplace.

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We often talk about workplace culture as if it exists outside of people.

As if culture is only:

• strategy

• values

• leadership principles

• organizational design

But Hanna reframed culture in a way that felt deeply human.

Culture is biology in action.

Pressure Changes People

When people operate under constant pressure, they don’t just become busy.

They become reactive.

• Communication changes.

• Patience changes.

• Trust changes.

And over time, survival mode starts shaping decision-making, collaboration, and leadership itself.

The difficult part is that many leaders don’t even realize it’s happening.

Because high pressure is often rewarded.

Especially in environments where performance becomes tied to worth.

The Cost of Always Performing

One of the most honest parts of the conversation was Hanna reflecting on motherhood and career.

Physically being present—but mentally somewhere else.

Waiting for the children to go to sleep so work could continue.

Always thinking about the next task.

And I think many professionals—especially high achievers, caregivers, immigrants, founders, and leaders navigating multiple roles—understand that feeling deeply.

You become so used to functioning in motion that stillness starts to feel unfamiliar.

Rest feels unearned.
Presence feels difficult.
And slowing down can even feel unsafe.

Survival Mode Eventually Shapes Culture

What struck me most was realizing how often organizations unknowingly reinforce this pattern.

We say:

• collaboration

• trust

• belonging

• psychological safety

But the actual systems often communicate something very different.

Move faster.
Do more.
Stay available.
Keep proving yourself.

And eventually, people stop operating from clarity.

They start operating from protection.

Presence Is a Leadership Practice

One of the most powerful reminders from this conversation was that leadership is not only about strategy.

It’s also about regulation.

The ability to notice:

• your reactions

• your tension

• your breathing

• your emotional state

before it spills into everyone around you.

Because people don’t just experience leadership through words.

They experience it through energy, tone, pace, and presence.

The Question I’m Sitting With

As I reflected on this episode, I kept thinking about how easy it is to normalize exhaustion when you care deeply about your work.

Especially when you are ambitious.

Especially when your identity becomes connected to being dependable, capable, or high-performing.

But sustainable leadership requires something different.

Not just capability.

Awareness.

🎧 Listen to the full episode with Hanna Curman below.

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Closing Reflection

What does pressure look like in your life right now?

And have you become so used to carrying it that it now feels normal?

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She described a point in her career where everything looked right on paper.

She had progressed quickly.
She was performing.
She was doing what many of us are taught to do—keep going.

Until her body stopped her.

Not metaphorically.

Literally.

She collapsed.

But it wasn’t just the moment itself.

It was what led up to it.

We Don’t Just Work Hard. We Learn to Push

Rachel spoke about being a high achiever.

Driven.
Responsible.
Holding high standards.

But underneath that, she named something many people don’t say out loud:

The desire to be liked.
To be valued.
To be enough.

And that combination?

It’s powerful.

Because it creates a pattern where doing more feels like the solution.

More effort.
More responsibility.
More pushing through.

And for a while, it works.

Until It Doesn’t

That’s the part we don’t always talk about.

Pushing through is often rewarded.

It gets results.
It gets recognition.
It moves you forward.

But it also trains you to ignore signals.

Fatigue becomes normal.
Stress becomes manageable.
Disconnection becomes invisible.

Until your body—or your mind—decides it’s no longer optional.

Capability vs Capacity

One of the most useful distinctions Rachel shared was this:

And most leadership environments are built to measure capability.

Can you deliver?
Can you perform?
Can you handle more?

But very few ask:

Can you keep showing up this way over time?

The Cost of Ignoring Ourselves

As I listened, I found myself reflecting on my own moments.

Times when I knew I was tired—but kept going.
Times when I felt overwhelmed—but minimized it.
Times when I convinced myself that pushing through was the right thing to do.

Because in many environments, that is what’s expected.

Especially for those of us navigating multiple roles.

Professional.
Parent.
Leader.
Builder.

We become very good at carrying.

What Leadership Actually Requires

Rachel reframed something that I think more leaders need to hear:

Sustainable leadership is not about doing more.

It’s about noticing more.

Noticing when your energy shifts.
When your reactions change.
When your clarity starts to fade.

And having the awareness—and permission—to respond differently.

The Subtle Leadership Shift

There was also something else in the conversation that felt just as important.

Leadership isn’t just about what we do.

It’s about how people feel around us.

Not in a performative way.

But in a very real, human way.

Do people feel:

• safe

• seen

• steady

Or do they feel:

• pressure

• urgency

• tension

Because how people feel doesn’t just impact their experience.

It impacts how they think.
How they contribute.
How they show up.

Closing Reflection

Rachel’s story is not unusual.

That’s what makes it important.

Many leaders are capable.

Many are performing.

Many are doing exactly what they’ve been taught to do.

But fewer are paying attention to whether they can sustain it.

So the question I’ve been sitting with since that conversation is:

Where might I be operating from capability…
without checking my capacity?

🎧 If this reflection resonated, you can listen to the full conversation below.

I’d love to hear from you:

What’s one signal you’ve learned not to ignore anymore?

There’s a question most leaders don’t ask often enough.

Not because they don’t know it.

But because it’s uncomfortable.

What if I’m wrong?

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The Beliefs We Don’t See

In my recent conversation with Yosi Kossowsky, what stood out wasn’t just his leadership journey—it was the quiet thread underneath it.

The beliefs we carry.

Not the ones we say out loud.

The ones we internalize early.

The ones shaped by how we were seen, corrected, encouraged—or overlooked.

Yosi shared how being labeled as “not enough” early in life didn’t just stay in that moment.

It became a lens.

And like most lenses, it didn’t announce itself.

It simply shaped how he interpreted everything that came after.

Intersectionality Beyond What We See

When we talk about intersectionality, we often focus on visible identity:

Race. Gender. Culture. Background

But there’s another layer that shows up just as strongly in how we lead.

Internal identity.

The beliefs we’ve formed about:

• who we are

• what we’re capable of

• how we’re perceived

Those beliefs intersect with everything else.

They influence how we:

• speak up

• interpret feedback

• navigate authority

• respond to challenge

And often, they do it quietly.

Why Knowledge Isn’t Enough

One of the most honest parts of the conversation was this:

Knowing something doesn’t mean you’ll act differently.

Most leaders know they should listen more.
Be open.
Stay curious.

But in the moment?

We default to what we believe is true.

Not what we intellectually understand.

That’s the gap. Between awareness and behavior

And it’s where leadership either evolves—or stays stuck.

The Role of Curiosity

This is where Yosi’s work centers:

Curiosity.

Not as a soft skill.

As a leadership discipline.

Because curiosity interrupts certainty.

It creates space between:

• what we assume

• and what might actually be happening

And it starts with a simple—but uncomfortable—question:

What if I’m wrong?

Not as self-doubt.

But as openness.

Assumptions in the Workplace

Most workplace breakdowns don’t start with conflict.

They start with an assumption.

We assume:

• We understood the message

• We interpreted the tone correctly

• We know what someone meant

And then we respond from that assumption.

Not from reality.

Which means we’re often reacting to something that may not even be true.

What This Means for Leadership

If leadership is about influence, then belief systems matter more than we think.

Because leaders don’t just act on information.

They act on interpretation.

And interpretation is shaped by belief.

So the shift isn’t just:

“Learn more.” It’s: “Question what you already believe.”

🎧 Listen to the Full Conversation

If this resonated, you can listen to the full episode below:

Closing Reflection

We spend a lot of time trying to get leadership right.

Saying the right things.
Making the right decisions.
Following the right frameworks.

But what if growth doesn’t start there?

What if it starts with a question instead:

We expect it.
We ask for it.
We assume we understand it.

But what if we don’t?

This Conversation Was Bigger Than One Idea

While this reflection centers on respect, the conversation itself was layered.

Julie’s perspective is shaped by her experience as a Vietnamese-born refugee raised in the United States—an identity that sits within, but is not the same as, the broader immigrant narrative.

And that distinction matters.

Because not all movement is driven by the same forces.

That difference doesn’t disappear once someone enters the workplace.

It shapes how people:

• assess risk

• define stability

• interpret authority

• and ultimately, how they experience something as simple—and complex—as respect

The Assumption We Rarely Question

We often operate as if respect is universal.

If I’m being respectful, you will experience it that way.

But that assumption is where the breakdown often begins.

Because respect is not just about intention.

It’s about interpretation.

Where Identity Shapes Interpretation

Interpretation doesn’t happen in isolation.

It is shaped by identity.

By lived experience.
By culture.
By the environments we’ve had to navigate.

This is where intersectionality becomes real—not as a concept, but as a lived experience that shapes how we interpret what’s happening around us.

So when we talk about respect in the workplace, we’re not starting from the same place.

We’re interpreting it through different histories.
Different pressures.
Different expectations.

And that’s where the gap begins.

Code-Switching, Reframed

Another moment that stayed with me was Julie's reframing of code-switching.

In many conversations, code-switching is positioned as a compromise.
As pressure.
As something people do to fit in.

But what if it’s also something else?

What if it’s a strategy? I love how she describes this, and I agree wholeheartedly because I have also lived it.

Code-switching could be an intentionally strategic tool.

A way of expanding communication across contexts.
A way of building connection across differences.
A way of navigating multiple spaces without losing yourself.

That shift matters.

Because it moves the narrative from:
“What do I have to suppress?”

To:
“What am I able to access?”

The Gap Between Intention and Experience

This is where the conversation becomes particularly relevant for leaders.

Because most workplace challenges are not rooted in bad intent.

They’re rooted in mismatched interpretations.

Someone believes they are being respectful.
Someone else experiences distance, dismissal, or even disregard.

And without a shared understanding, both people walk away believing something different happened.

That gap is not solved by policy.

It’s solved by curiosity.

Curiosity as a Leadership Practice

Julie’s work centers on curiosity—not as a personality trait, but as a practice.

And this is where the conversation shifts from insight to responsibility.

Because curiosity requires:

Slowing down before reacting
Asking before assuming
Listening without immediately interpreting

It asks leaders to move from certainty to exploration.

And that’s not always comfortable.

But it is necessary.

What This Means in Practice

If respect is not universal, then leadership cannot rely on assumptions.

It has to be responsive.

It has to account for:

Different lived experiences
Different interpretations
Different expectations

Which means the question is no longer:

“Am I being respectful?”

But:

“How is this being experienced?”

🎧 If this resonated, you can listen to the full conversation with Dr. Lola Adeyemo and Dr. Julie Pham right here:

Closing Reflection

We often think of respect as something we give.

But it’s experienced, not delivered.

So the question becomes:

Where might your intention and someone else’s experience be misaligned?

If this reflection stayed with you, I explore these conversations weekly through the podcast and here on Substack.

Share Lola Adeyemo (PhD) - On belonging, leadership, and identity

There is a reflex most of us have when we hear someone’s credentials before we hear their story. We fill in the blanks. We construct a life that makes sense around those credentials. When Dr. Lola Adeyemo introduced Daniel Hodges on this podcast episode — JD, MHA, founder, thought leader — a certain picture probably formed in your mind.

That picture was almost certainly wrong.

That gap — between the image we form and the life someone actually lived — is the whole territory this podcast exists to explore. And Daniel’s story maps it with unusual precision.

He said this almost in passing, describing what he blurted out during property class in law school when the topic of trusts and estates came up. It’s the kind of line that lands quietly and then keeps landing. Because it’s not about shame. It’s about the simple fact that the map of the world you’re given growing up depends entirely on where you started — and not everyone starts with the same map.

The disability you see and the ones you don’t

Daniel is blind. That’s what most people notice first, and it’s the disability they base their assumptions on. What they don’t see — what he carries invisibly — is chronic pain from a connective tissue disorder that dislocates joints in his sleep, and anxiety that has, at different points in his life, made it hard to remember his own name.

That 70/30 split is the number that stayed with me after this conversation. We tend to think of disability as something internal — a limitation that lives in the person. But Daniel reframes it clearly: most of what makes life harder as a blind person is not blindness. It’s a world that wasn’t designed with him in mind, and a culture that insists it already knows what he can do.

He knows what it’s like to be denied a job he was more than qualified for. He knows what it’s like to have a hospital question whether a blind person can parent. He knows what it’s like to call his teenage son into the next room because a button on a software platform wasn’t properly labeled — and he needed to turn on his microphone before recording this very podcast.

That last one is small. It is also exhausting to carry day after day.

Missing grades 7 through 11

Here is what Daniel’s educational journey actually looked like: growing up in rural Ohio, where nobody knew how to support a blind student. Relying entirely on memorization because the right materials weren’t available. Being placed in homeschool for grades 7 through 11 — which, in practice, meant those years largely didn’t happen educationally. Getting a GED. Failing out of college the first time because he didn’t yet know how to advocate for himself or access mental health accommodations. Starting over at a different school with two classes, while two of his children went through cancer treatment.

He eventually graduated in his early 30s. And then — because two mentors he trusted both challenged him within 48 hours of each other — he went to law school in Baltimore on a scholarship. He had two surgeries during those years. He nearly lost the use of his right hand for the better part of a year.

He graduated anyway.

“I needed a why that was powerful enough to get me out of bed in the morning, even when my pain is at a seven or eight.”

“Peaces” of me — and why it’s spelled that way

The foundation Daniel co-founded with his cousin Christy was born in her living room in Phoenix, between his first and second year of law school, during the tail end of a pretty severe mental health crisis.

They landed on something that felt true: underneath all the different diagnoses and differences, there was a shared cultural assumption doing the damage — the idea that some bodies are valuable and some aren’t. That some people are whole and some are missing something.

That assumption is what Peaces of Me sets out to dismantle. The name is spelled P-E-A-C-E-S deliberately. Not pieces — as in missing a piece. Peaces — as in what becomes possible when you stop treating difference as deficit.

What you’ll hear in this episode

• Why 70% of the struggles blind individuals face are rooted in bias and inaccessibility — not vision loss

• What it actually looks like to navigate education systems that weren’t designed for you

• How chronic pain shaped Daniel’s career decisions — and his definition of purpose

• Why accessibility and inclusion are not a department or a benefit — they’re a design question

• What happened when a hospital questioned whether a blind person could be a parent

• How Peaces of Me approaches change without blame, shame, or guilt-tripping

• What employers get wrong about the tradeoff between accessibility and merit

For the employers listening

Daniel saved something direct for the end. The idea that accessibility costs you something — that inclusion means lowering the bar — is not just wrong, he says. It’s a lie. A flat-out lie, his words, backed by a mountain of evidence he’s happy to walk through with anyone willing to sit down and have that conversation.

The best team isn’t built by filtering people out. It’s built by designing systems that don’t require people to overcome them first.

Listen to the full conversation

What you see is not all there is — with Daniel Hodges, JD, MHA

The full episode is embedded below. Press play and hear it in Daniel’s own words.

Daniel Hodges, JD, MHA

President & Co-Founder, Peaces of Me Foundation

Daniel is a thought leader on accessibility and authentic disability inclusion. He helps organizations build solutions that are sustainable, practical, and human-centered. Learn more at peacesofme.org.

About the podcast & host

Dr. Lola Adeyemo is the CEO of EQI Mindset and founder of the nonprofit Immigrants in Corporate Inc. She is an author, speaker, and workplace inclusion strategist who works with organizations to build communities of belonging through strategy, storytelling, and systems change. She is also a mom who has been growing her own understanding of disability and neurodivergence — personally and professionally — and brings that ongoing learning into every conversation she hosts.

Thriving in Intersectionality explores how identity, lived experience, and leadership intersect in today’s workplace. Each episode invites guests to define intersectionality in their own words — and reflect on how their layered identities shape the way they lead, navigate systems, and create impact. Because belonging isn’t a bonus. It’s the catalyst for real growth.

But then, there are the moments that stay.

Not because they were the biggest decisions.
Not because they were the most visible.

But because something about them shifted how we saw ourselves.

The Moment That Lingers

In a recent conversation on Thriving in Intersectionality, something stood out to me in a way I couldn’t ignore.

We often describe difficult workplace experiences as stress.

Deadlines. Pressure. A demanding manager. A missed opportunity.

And while those experiences are real, they don’t all carry the same weight.

Because some experiences don’t just challenge you in the moment.
They follow you.

They show up in how you speak.
How you hesitate.
How you interpret feedback.
How you decide whether to raise your hand again.

And that’s where the language shifts.

Not everything is stress.

Some of it is something deeper.

What We Carry Forward

What stayed with me wasn’t just the moment that was described—it was what came after.

The realization that the workplace is not just where we perform.

It’s where we learn.

And sometimes, it’s where we internalize.

We internalize what good work looks like.
What leadership sounds like.
What gets rewarded.
What gets ignored.

Over time, those experiences begin to form patterns.

Patterns in how we approach new opportunities.
Patterns in how we interpret uncertainty.
Patterns in how we protect ourselves.

So when people say, “Just move on” or “Find a better environment,” it sounds simple.

But it’s not always that clean.

Because you don’t leave those interpretations behind as easily as you leave a role.

The Pattern Isn’t Always the Environment

One of the tensions that kept coming up for me is this:

Changing environments doesn’t always change the experience.

Not because the environments are identical.
But because the lens we carry into them hasn’t shifted yet.

And that’s a harder truth to sit with.

Because it asks something different of us.

Not just:
“Is this the right place for me?”

But also:
“What am I bringing with me into this next place?”

That question isn’t about blame.

It’s about awareness.

Reframing What Support Looks Like

Another idea that resonated with me was the concept of building a Personal Board of Directors.

Not as a buzzword—but as a response to something real.

Because if our experiences shape how we think,
then we need people who can help us think differently.

Not just one mentor.
Not just one manager.

But a set of voices that challenge, affirm, and expand how we see our options.

People who can help you:

• Name what you’re experiencing

• Separate fact from interpretation

• See possibilities you might not see on your own

Because growth doesn’t happen in isolation.

And neither does clarity.

From Reaction to Intention

There’s a quiet shift that happens when you begin to understand your patterns.

You stop reacting as quickly.

You pause differently.

You ask better questions.

You start to recognize when something feels familiar—and why.

And that doesn’t mean every situation becomes easy.

But it does mean you begin to move with more intention.

Closing Reflection

Careers are not just shaped by opportunities.

They are shaped by experiences.
And by how we interpret those experiences over time.

So the question becomes:

• What are the moments that stayed with you?

• And how have they shaped the way you lead, decide, and show up today?

🎧 You can listen to the full conversation below.

And there’s a version of leadership that is built over time.

Not from titles.
Not from authority.
But from how you come to understand yourself.

Subscribe now

In my recent conversation with Sabrina Parsons, what stood out wasn’t just her role as CEO.

It was how her leadership was shaped long before that.

Through identity.
Through experience.
Through moments where she had to decide how she would show up—especially in spaces that didn’t fully see her.

Sabrina shared what it meant to grow up between cultures.

Born in Mexico City.
Raised between Mexico and the United States.

Carrying an identity that wasn’t always visible—but always present.

And that tension—of being seen one way, while knowing there’s more to your story—is something many professionals understand deeply.

Because in the workplace, identity doesn’t disappear.

It just becomes… quieter.

Less named.
Less acknowledged.
But still shaping how you experience everything.

What struck me most was not just her identity—but what she chose to do with it.

There’s a point in her story where that shifts.

From navigating…
To owning.

She talked about learning to be unapologetic.

Not just in saying who she is—but in how she shows up.

As someone who is Mexican and American.
As a woman in tech.
As a working parent.

And that shift matters.

Because leadership isn’t just about skill.

It’s about alignment.

There’s also a moment she shared that I haven’t stopped thinking about.

Her “elevator moment.”

Standing in an elevator, early in her career, surrounded by professionals already counting down to Friday.

And realizing:

I can’t do this.

It wasn’t dramatic.

It wasn’t a perfectly planned pivot.

But it was clear.

That moment redirected her path.

Away from what was expected.
Toward something that felt more aligned.

And that’s the part we don’t talk about enough.

Career decisions are often framed as strategy.

But many of them are actually identity decisions.

What kind of life do you want?
What kind of work do you want to do?
What kind of person do you want to be within it?

Sabrina also shared something that feels simple—but is often overlooked.

Success is not always about being the most talented.

It’s about showing up.

Consistently.
Prepared.
Present.

Because the reality is—not everyone does.

And then there’s risk.

A word that comes up often, but is rarely fully embraced.

She spoke about taking risks early—when you have the least to lose.

Not waiting for certainty.

Not over-optimizing every decision.

But choosing the path that stretches you.

Because growth doesn’t come from staying within what’s predictable.

It comes from stepping into what’s unfamiliar.

And finally, there was something she shared that I want to leave you with.

As a working parent.

Don’t compromise your values.

Not for a role.
Not for a title.
Not for a version of success that doesn’t reflect the life you actually want.

Because leadership is not just about how you lead at work.

It’s about how your work aligns with your life.

A Reflection to Sit With

• Where in your career are you still adapting to expectations…

• And where are you beginning to define your own?

🌍 For Immigrant & First-Gen Professionals

There’s an added layer to this journey.

Sometimes, the pressure is not just to succeed.

It’s to fit.

To not disrupt.
To not stand out too much.
To navigate carefully.

But leadership often begins at the point where you stop negotiating who you are.

And start building from it instead.

🎧 If this resonated, listen to the full conversation with Sabrina Parsons on Thriving in Intersectionality right here:

Not externally. Internally.

You realize you’re no longer just learning how things work.

You’re starting to question why they work that way in the first place.

Adriana Vaccaro shared her journey from Bogotá, Colombia, into U.S. corporate spaces.

And like many immigrant professionals, her early career required a kind of quiet observation.

You’re learning the work, yes.

But you’re also learning:

• How to speak

• When to speak

• What gets rewarded

• What gets ignored

• What is said directly… and what is implied

There are entire layers of the workplace that are never formally taught.

You learn them by watching.
By adjusting.
By adapting.

And for a while, that adaptation works.

It helps you move forward.
It helps you succeed—at least on paper.

But over time, something starts to feel off.

Because adapting to a system is not the same as understanding it.

What stayed with me after the conversation wasn’t just Adriana’s path into culture strategy.

It was how her relationship with the workplace evolved.

She didn’t just learn how to navigate systems.

She began to see them.
To question them.
To understand the human behavior underneath them.

Because once you start seeing systems clearly, you can’t unsee them.

You begin to notice:

• The difference between what organizations say they value… and what they actually reward

• How culture is not defined in statements, but in repeated behavior

• How performance is often evaluated through invisible norms, not just measurable outcomes

And for many professionals—especially those navigating multiple identities—this realization can feel both clarifying and uncomfortable.

Because now the question changes.

It’s no longer:

“How do I succeed here?”

It becomes:

“What am I actually participating in?”

That’s where leadership starts to evolve.

Not when you gain more authority.

But when you gain more awareness.

Adriana’s work today sits at that intersection—helping organizations think more intentionally about culture.

But what makes her perspective resonate is that it’s not abstract.

It’s rooted in lived experience.

In having to learn systems without being taught.
In interpreting environments without clear guidance.
In having to find her voice within structures that didn’t always make space for it.

And that’s what makes this conversation extend beyond her specific path.

Because so many professionals are still in that earlier phase.

Still adapting.
Still observing.
Still trying to figure out the rules.

Leadership requires a different posture.

It asks you to:

• Move from observation to interpretation

• Move from participation to intention

• Move from navigating systems… to shaping them

And that doesn’t happen all at once.

It happens gradually.

Through reflection.
Through pattern recognition.
Through moments where something doesn’t sit right—and you pause long enough to ask why.

That’s the part we don’t talk about enough.

Not just career growth.

But awareness.

Because you can’t shape what you don’t see.

And you can’t lead what you haven’t made sense of.

A Reflection to Sit With

• Where in your career are you right now?

• Are you still adapting to the system…

• Or are you beginning to question and shape it?

For Immigrant Professionals

There’s an added layer to this journey.

Many of us were taught—explicitly or implicitly—that success comes from learning the system quickly and fitting into it well.

And that skill matters.

It gets you in the room.
It helps you move forward.

But it’s not the final step.

Your lived experience—your ability to see across cultures, to notice differences, to interpret what others might overlook—is not a barrier to leadership.

It is a form of leadership.

The goal is not just to adapt well.

It’s to eventually use that awareness to shape better environments for yourself—and for others.

If this reflection resonates, check out this week’s episode of Thriving in Intersectionality.

🎧 Listen to the full episode right here on Substack:

One of the things I appreciate most about hosting the Thriving in Intersectionality podcast is the opportunity to explore leadership through the lens of identity and lived experience. (actually thats’s what the podcast space is ALL about!)

Not just titles.
Not just résumés.

But the real stories that shape how leaders show up in the workplace.

Subscribe now

In my recent conversation with Julia Rock, keynote speaker, executive coach, and leadership consultant, we explored what leadership looks like when you carry multiple layers of identity into the workplace.

Julia is a first-generation American whose parents immigrated from Barbados, and like many immigrant households, excellence was not optional.

It was expected.

There was no space for “woe is me.”
You worked hard.
You figured things out.
You kept moving forward.

That mindset shaped how Julia approached her career in corporate America.

But as we discussed during the episode, identity also shapes how we navigate opportunity, visibility, and leadership.

Being a Black woman in corporate environments often means learning to balance humility, confidence, visibility, and resilience simultaneously.

And one of the most powerful insights Julia shared was surprisingly simple.

She said much of her career growth came from raising her hand for assignments others avoided.

Not the glamorous projects.

The uncomfortable ones.

The ones that required travel.

The roles people didn’t want.

The situations where others hesitated.

Those decisions eventually led to major leadership roles, including managing global teams and overseeing billions in operational responsibilities.

But along the way, she also learned something equally important:

Leadership growth requires visibility.

If people don’t see your work, they can’t advocate for you.

If decision makers don’t know your name, they can’t speak for you in rooms you haven’t entered yet.

Julia described becoming known in meetings as the person willing to raise her hand, ask questions, and speak up in large forums.

That visibility helped leaders see her as someone capable of leading.

But our conversation didn’t stop there.

Because visibility without boundaries often leads to something many professionals know too well:

Burnout.

Julia shared that burnout isn’t always just about workload.

Often it’s about misalignment.

When professionals push themselves to meet expectations without advocating for their own priorities, values, or boundaries, exhaustion becomes inevitable.

One of the most important leadership lessons she shared was this:

You have to define success for yourself before someone else defines it for you.

Organizations will always have priorities.

Deadlines.

Urgencies.

But professionals must also understand their own values, boundaries, and goals.

Otherwise, work becomes something that consumes identity rather than supports it.

Another moment in the conversation that stayed with me was Julia’s reminder that we often tie our self-worth to productivity.

Our titles.

Our output.

Our achievements.

But leadership becomes healthier — and more sustainable — when we remember something deeper:

We are valuable before productivity.

Before the promotions.

Before the performance reviews.

And when leaders internalize that truth, they lead with greater clarity, confidence, and humanity.

Julia closed our conversation with a message that resonated deeply with the spirit of this podcast.

You are the CEO of your career and your life.

You cannot control every obstacle.

You cannot eliminate every systemic barrier.

But you can decide how you show up, where you invest your energy, and how you advocate for yourself.

Leadership isn’t complicated.

But it does require courage.

🎧 You can listen to the full episode below.

Reflection for readers

Where in your career might you need to take up more space — or protect your energy more intentionally?

There is a moment in many careers when the questions start to change.

Not suddenly.
Not always dramatically.

But gradually.

The questions move from:

How do I get better at the work I do?

to

How do I help others do their best work

That shift often marks the beginning of a leadership journey.

In a recent episode of the Thriving in Intersectionality podcast, I spoke with Limor Bergman Gross, a former Director of Engineering with more than two decades of experience in the tech industry. We talked about the moment she realized she wanted to move from being an engineer to becoming a manager.

It wasn’t a moment driven by a job title.

It was a moment driven by curiosity about impact.

She described reaching a point in her career where she began asking different questions about the kind of contribution she wanted to make. Instead of focusing solely on technical execution, she began thinking about how teams functioned, how decisions were made, and how leaders influenced the direction of the work.

Those questions eventually led her toward leadership.

What this conversation took me back to was how common this moment actually is.

Many professionals experience it.

But they often don’t name it.

The Quiet Identity Shift

One of the most interesting aspects of career growth is that the most important transitions are rarely technical.

They are identity shifts.

Moving from an individual contributor role into leadership requires a different way of seeing your work.

It asks you to move from:

solving problems yourself
to
creating environments where others can solve problems well.

This transition is rarely immediate.

In fact, many professionals stay in that in-between space for years.

They are excellent at what they do technically, but they begin to feel drawn to questions about team dynamics, decision-making, and influence.

That curiosity is often the earliest signal that leadership may be the next chapter.

The Myth of the “Right Time”

Another theme that emerged in our conversation is something many professionals wrestle with: the belief that there is a perfect moment to step into leadership.

The moment when you feel completely ready.

The moment when every skill is fully developed.

The moment when the opportunity appears is clearly defined.

In reality, that moment rarely exists.

Leadership transitions often happen before we feel ready.

And growth tends to occur after the transition, not before.

This is especially true for professionals navigating complex layers of identity — women in male-dominated industries, immigrants working across cultures, or leaders balancing career ambition with family responsibilities.

The path is rarely linear.

But the questions about impact remain consistent.

Leadership as a Choice

One of the things I appreciate about conversations like this is the reminder that leadership is not only about hierarchy.

It is about choosing the kind of contribution you want to make.

Some professionals choose to deepen technical expertise and remain in highly specialized roles.

Others become drawn toward the work of building teams, shaping direction, and helping others grow.

Both paths are valuable.

But recognizing which path resonates with you requires reflection.

And sometimes it begins with a simple realization:

The work I care about is changing.

A Question Worth Sitting With

If you find yourself at a point in your career where the questions are shifting, it may be worth asking:

What kind of impact do I want my work to have now?

Not the impact you imagined five years ago.

Not the role you initially planned.

But the work that feels meaningful in this season of your career.

Sometimes the answer leads to deeper expertise.

Sometimes it leads to leadership.

Either way, it begins with paying attention to the questions.

🎧 The full conversation with Limor Bergman Gross is available on the Thriving in Intersectionality podcast, and you can listen right HERE:

What would becoming more intentional about your next career chapter look like right now?

There’s a version of leadership many of us were trained to embody.

Composed.
Unshakeable.
Unemotional.
Impenetrable.

Especially if you were young.
Especially if you were the only woman in the room.
Especially if your background didn’t “match” the boardroom.

Subscribe now

In my recent conversation with Victoria Pelletier, I was reminded how often we build armor before we build authority.

Victoria rose to executive leadership at 24.

Young.
Female.
Carrying a history of trauma, one she rarely spoke about.

She shared how she was once nicknamed “The Iron Maiden.” At the time, she wore it as a badge of honor. It meant she was decisive. Strong. Unapologetic.

But what it also meant was this:

She felt she couldn’t afford softness.

And that part resonated with me, and with the stories from the ERG and the Immigrant communities I serve and have consistently heard.

Because so many professionals — particularly those navigating layered identities — learn early that competence must be visible, but vulnerability must be hidden.

That if you show too much humanity, you will be dismissed.

And yet.

Armor may help you survive leadership.

But it will not help you sustain it.

Whole human leadership isn’t about abandoning performance standards. It’s about expanding what strength looks like.

It’s clarity and compassion.
It’s accountability and empathy.
It’s driving business results while recognizing that people are not resources — they are humans.

Yes, Victoria has had some impressive titles — COO at 24, President at 35, CEO at 41.

But one of the most obvious things from our conversation was her evolution.

The shift from proving to leading.
From guarding to guiding.
From protecting her story to integrating it.

That integration is a powerful leadership lesson.

Because when leaders operate from wholeness rather than performance, they create cultures where others can do the same.

And that is where belonging becomes real.

As someone who also navigated identity layers — immigrant, woman in corporate science spaces, later entrepreneur and founder — I understand that tension between competence and vulnerability.

For years, I believed leadership required shrinking parts of myself.

Now I know it requires alignment.

This episode isn’t just about executive leadership.

It’s about the courage to stop fragmenting yourself in order to succeed.

It’s about recognizing that your lived experience is not a liability.

It is context.
It is insight.
It is strategic advantage.

If you’re building toward the C-suite — or redefining what leadership means in your current role — the invitation is simple:

Stop editing yourself to fit the room.

Lead from integration.

🎧 Listen to the full episode right here.

Reflection:

What part of your story might strengthen your leadership — if you allowed it to?

There’s a version of ambition we celebrate loudly.

The degrees earned.
The visas secured.
The promotions announced.
The books published.

It photographs well.
It reads well on LinkedIn.
It looks decisive and strong.

But there’s another version of ambition that is quieter.

It carries expectation.
It carries comparison.
It carries the unspoken understanding that failure is not just personal — it is communal.

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My recent conversation with Sheekha Singh left me reflecting on that quieter layer.

Not ambition as performance.

Ambition as pressure.

When Ambition Carries Two Countries

For many immigrants, success is not just about achievement.

It is about validation.

You left home.
You disrupted familiarity.
You started over.

There is an invisible agreement you carry:

This must work.

Sheekha spoke about navigating India, the United States, and Canada — building a tech leadership career while holding cultural expectations that do not dissolve at customs.

Burnout, in that context, feels different.

It isn’t simply exhaustion from work.

It’s the emotional cost of proving you belong — repeatedly.

Across rooms.
Across systems.
Across borders.

Overcompensation Is Not Strategy

One insight that lingered for me:

If you want a raise, upgrade your skills.

Not your volume.
Not your hours.
Not your visible exhaustion.

Your skills.

In many communities — especially immigrant communities — endurance is revered.

Stay longer.
Work harder.
Be grateful.

And there is dignity in that.

But endurance without alignment slowly erodes sustainability.

Corporate environments do not reward effort alone.

They reward impact.

When professionals confuse overcompensation with advancement, burnout becomes inevitable.

Growth, instead, requires intention.

The Discipline of Saying No

Another layer of the conversation centered on boundaries.

Not dramatic boundaries.

Strategic ones.

“I can take this on next week.”
“I’m currently focused on X priority.”
“That doesn’t align with my role.”

For high-achieving professionals — particularly those from cultures that emphasize accommodation — saying no can feel dangerous.

But without boundaries, ambition becomes leakage.

Energy dissipates.
Focus fragments.
Resentment builds quietly.

Saying no is not rebellion.

It is stewardship.

Of your time.
Of your health.
Of your future leadership capacity.

Success on Paper vs. Peace in Practice

Sheekha’s latest book, Unburnable Ambition, centers on a powerful belief:

Ambition doesn’t have to cost you your peace.

That line feels both simple and radical.

Because many professionals reach milestones they once dreamed of — and still feel depleted.

The title is there.
The salary is there.
The stability is there.

But internally, something feels misaligned.

Thriving across intersections — identity, culture, ambition — requires more than achievement.

It requires integration.

Immigrant Leadership Is Evolving

Perhaps what stayed with me most is this:

Resilience is no longer enough.

Immigrant professionals have long mastered resilience.

We adapt.
We endure.
We navigate ambiguity with precision.

But the next evolution is sustainability.

Can we pursue excellence without self-erasure?
Can we seek advancement without chronic depletion?
Can we build influence without abandoning well-being?

That feels like the deeper work.

Questions I’m Sitting With

As I reflect on this conversation, I find myself asking:

• Where have I mistaken overwork for growth?

• Which skill do I need to upgrade, rather than spend another hour extending?

• Where might a boundary create clarity instead of conflict?

• What would ambition look like if it were sustainable?

Perhaps leadership is not about proving how much we can endure.

Perhaps it is about designing a life and career that can last.

And perhaps the most powerful shift is not in how hard we push —

But in how wisely we build.

🎧 You can listen to Episode 115 below:

There are seasons in life when you don’t realize you’re building leadership.

You think you’re just surviving.

You’re figuring things out.
You’re adjusting.
You’re carrying more than you planned.
You’re learning to move forward without guarantees.

But survival, when handled with intention, becomes formation.

My recent conversation with Oksana Lukash left me thinking about that quiet formation.

Not the visible milestones — titles, promotions, businesses launched.

The invisible ones.

The seasons when you had to grow up faster than expected.
The moments when stability was uncertain.
The times when you had to advocate for yourself because no one else knew how to.

Those experiences don’t disappear when you step into leadership.

They shape how you lead.

Leadership Begins Long Before the Title

We often talk about leadership as if it starts when someone manages a team.

But leadership begins much earlier.

It begins the first time you navigate change without a roadmap.
It begins the first time you have to rebuild your sense of belonging.
It begins when you learn that waiting for permission won’t move your life forward.

Resilience isn’t something you “achieve.”
It’s something you accumulate quietly over time.

And when resilience is paired with reflection, it becomes wisdom.

That wisdom is what makes leadership human.

Culture Is Built in the Small Moments

The conversation also brought me back to something I believe deeply:

Culture is not a poster.
It’s not a perk.
It’s not a policy.

It’s the daily experience of being seen.

It’s how feedback is delivered.
It’s whether curiosity is welcomed or punished.
It’s whether someone feels safe enough to ask a question without being labeled.

We talk about scaling companies.
But scaling without intention magnifies dysfunction.

People-first leadership is not softness.
It is clarity about what truly drives performance.

When people feel respected, understood, and trusted, they rise.
When they feel managed, categorized, or boxed in, they shrink.

The difference is rarely technical.
It’s relational.

Advancement Is Not About Time

Another reflection that lingered for me:

Growth is not measured in years.
It’s measured in contribution.

In many communities — especially immigrant communities — there is a strong belief in endurance.

Stay longer.
Work harder.
Prove yourself.

And there is dignity in that.

But endurance without alignment can quietly drain you.

The more sustainable question becomes:

What value am I creating here?
What problems am I solving?
How does my work connect to something larger?

When we shift from time served to value created, career growth changes.

It becomes intentional.
It becomes strategic.
It becomes less about waiting — and more about designing.

Your Voice Must Outlive Your Role

In today’s workplace, one truth feels increasingly important:

Your voice cannot be fully outsourced to your employer.

It is good to align.
It is good to contribute.
It is good to amplify the mission of the organization you serve.

But you must also cultivate your own clarity.

What do you believe?
What do you stand for?
What patterns have shaped how you think about leadership, people, and growth?

Because roles change.
Companies shift.
Markets move.

Your voice is what carries forward.

The Quiet Integration

Perhaps the deepest reflection for me was this:

We do not need to erase earlier versions of ourselves to become leaders.

The immigrant.
The young parent.
The uncertain professional.
The person navigating instability.

Those layers do not weaken leadership.
They deepen it.

When we integrate them rather than hide them, leadership becomes grounded.

It becomes less performative.
Less about optics.
More about substance.

Resilience, when acknowledged, becomes compassion.
Experience, when reflected upon, becomes perspective.
Struggle, when processed, becomes discernment.

That is people-first leadership.

Not theory.
Not a trend.
But integration.

As I sit with this conversation, I’m asking myself:

• Where did resilience quietly shape me?

• How are my lived experiences influencing the way I build community?

• What parts of my story am I still minimizing — that might actually be my strength?

Maybe leadership isn’t something we chase.

Maybe it’s something we slowly become.

And maybe the work is not just to advance.

But to lead in a way that honors where we’ve been.

🎧 You can listen to Episode 114 below:

This past week, I was updating my podcast page and rotating spotlight episodes. One small admin task turned into a rabbit hole.

I started replaying old conversations. Reflecting on my guests. Reflecting on myself.

And a phrase surfaced:

Learn back. Lead forward.

The more I sat with it, the more it felt true.

Real leadership doesn’t come from constant forward motion.
Not from chasing titles.
Not from stacking accomplishments.

It comes from reflection.

From asking:

What has my life already taught me?

Because leadership isn’t built only in the doing.

It’s built into the meaning-making.

The strongest leaders I know aren’t just experienced.

They’re reflective.

They learn back — and because of that, they lead forward differently.

Looking across years of conversations on Thriving in Intersectionality, three patterns kept showing up.

• Career.

• Identity.

• Community.

1. Curiosity creates careers that don’t exist yet

With Dr. Meklit Workneh

Her path wasn’t linear.

Ethiopia → Stanford → public health → medicine → FDA → Moderna → AI-driven clinical trials.

On paper, it looks like pivots.

In reality, it’s a design.

She didn’t follow a ladder.
She followed her curiosity.

At one point, she said she didn’t even know her current career existed when she started. That stayed with me.

Some of the most aligned work we’ll ever do isn’t listed on a job board.

We build it by connecting dots backward.

Sometimes detours aren’t mistakes.

They’re preparation.

2. Alignment matters more than achievement

With Funmi Onamusi

Funmi’s story is quieter, but just as powerful.

She doesn’t chase titles.

She designs her career around values.

Instead of asking, “What’s next?”
She asks, “What fits?”

For many of us — especially immigrants and first-gen professionals — early careers are about survival.

But survival strategies don’t always translate into sustainable leadership.

Her reminder:

Leadership maturity looks like alignment.

When who you are and how you lead finally match.

Not performance.

Alignment.

3. Leadership eventually becomes service

With Ukeme Awakessien Jeter

Ukeme’s turning point wasn’t ambition.

It was belonging.

When her daughter struggled to fit in at school, she stepped into civic leadership to change the system itself.

That’s when leadership expands.

Beyond personal success.

Into responsibility.

Career → identity → community.

Eventually, leadership becomes service.

So what does this mean for us?

The best leaders aren’t rushing ahead.

They’re reflecting.

They ask:

What did this season teach me?
What should I carry forward?
What should I release?

Here’s what I’m practicing:

Audit old beliefs – some were survival tactics, not truths.
Lead from integration – your lived experience is an asset.
Build community intentionally – leadership isn’t solo work.

Leadership isn’t just forward motion.

It’s reflection → intention → action.

Learn back.
Lead forward.

🎧 I unpack these stories more deeply in this week’s podcast episode.

Listen below.

There are conversations that inform you…
And then there are conversations that change how you listen moving forward.

My recent conversation with Karen Jones — Learning & Development Executive at NextUp and Founder of Sacred Leadership Solutions — was one of the latter.

We set out to talk about her career path and insights from her journey.

We landed on leadership, feedback, and psychological safety.

What emerged overall was: a reminder that leadership is not primarily about performance frameworks or polished strategies — it is about the environments we create for people to be fully human at work.

And that, perhaps more than anything else, is what the future of leadership demands.

Subscribe now

Psychological Safety Isn’t Soft — It’s Structural

Somewhere along the way, psychological safety became misunderstood as being “nice,” “gentle,” or “low-accountability.”

Karen named it clearly:

Psychological safety isn’t soft — it’s what makes real performance possible.

Safety is not the absence of challenge.
It is the presence of trust, where people can take risks, speak honestly, and be held accountable without being diminished.

As leaders, we often say we want innovation, agility, and resilience — but those things do not emerge in cultures built on fear, silence, or performative inclusion. They emerge where people believe they won’t be punished for telling the truth or asking the uncomfortable questions.

And that is a leadership practice — not a personality trait.

Feedback That Develops — Not Diminishes

One of the most powerful threads in our conversation centered on feedback.

Not as a compliance activity.
Not as a performance ritual.
But as a developmental responsibility.

Karen shared stories of leaders who offered feedback that didn’t just correct behavior — it expanded possibilities. Leaders who could say:

“You’re not strongest here — but here is where you are exceptional, and how we can position you to grow.”

That distinction matters.

Too often, feedback is delivered as judgment instead of investment. And when that happens, we don’t just risk disengagement — we quietly reinforce who feels safe to grow and who does not.

Which leads me to the deeper layer of this conversation…

Intersectionality Changes How Safety Is Experienced

We cannot talk about psychological safety without talking about identity.

Because not everyone enters the workplace with the same margin for error.
Not everyone is perceived with the same neutrality.
Not everyone receives feedback through the same lens.

Karen spoke about her lived experience as a Black woman leader — navigating leadership, privilege, access, and expectation — and how those intersections shape both visibility and vulnerability in the workplace.

And leadership, when done well, acknowledges that.

It asks:
Who feels safe here — and why?
Who doesn’t — and what have we normalized about that?

Influence Is Not Reserved for Titles

Another powerful moment in our conversation came when Karen spoke about networking and influence — especially for professionals who may not always receive formal sponsorship.

Influence, she reminded us, is agnostic of title.

You do not need positional power to shape culture, advocate for others, or expand access.
But you do need relationships, clarity about your skills, and the confidence to name what you bring.

And perhaps most importantly:
You need to see yourself as someone worth knowing.

That mindset shift alone changes how people show up in rooms — and how rooms respond.

Leadership in the Age of Acceleration

As we talked about the future of work — AI, shifting skill demands, changing political and social landscapes — one thing became clear:

The pace of change is not slowing.
But the need for human-centered leadership is accelerating.

The leaders who will thrive are not the ones who memorize every new tool — but those who:

• Understand their own value clearly

• Continuously upskill with intention

• Create environments where others can grow alongside them

• And lead with both strategy and humanity

What This Conversation Reaffirmed for Me

As someone who works at the intersection of leadership, identity, and belonging, this conversation reaffirmed something I’ve long believed:

Belonging is not a feeling we manufacture —
It is a system we design.

Psychological safety is not a perk.
It is infrastructure.

And leadership today is not about having all the answers —
It is about building environments where better answers can emerge.

🎧 Listen to the full conversation with Karen Jones on Thriving in Intersectionality:

If this reflection resonated with you, I invite you to:

• Share it with a leader or colleague

• Subscribe to Intersections by Lola for more essays on leadership, identity, and the evolving world of work

• Or simply sit with this question:

What kind of environment am I creating for others to grow?

Dr. Lola Adeyemo,
On belonging, leadership, and identity